Which means that America should get it during the summer, which means just in time for my birthday. I did just get the DSi last Christmas… but I don’t think you can have too many DS’… just makes it easier to trade Pokemon.
Do you want the 3DS? Do you think it’s a stupid idea? Or are you super duper excited about the library of games announced, and the virtual console of gameboy games? Or maybe you just want to wait for the rerelease, because it’ll be nicer looking and stuff (3DS lite? 3DSi?). What are you thinking?
Needs a bit more work, but i think i'm onto something here
Those closest to you will hurt you the most. The idea of a true friend, a true love, and a true family belongs in a fantasy world, for those that detach themselves from reality. Only the tangible mattes. You find a purpose and pursue it. You invest yourself into it. It becomes your passion. And you do whatever you need to attain it. The end justifies the means. The status, the money and the power are simply tools. And absolutely nothing else matters.
The impalpable, that maddening itch in the back of your mind that rings there all day and all night, you hear its skittering across your skull. Slowly, slowly with patience and diligence, you find out what the scratching was from. It was a message etched in by your own unseen hand in a blind man’s cursive reading “You made a mistake”. Your eyes widen as you flip back through your memories. Your ascension of status, your quick-witted financial prowess, the steady and powerful grip you formed.
Ivy League… Fortune 500… Slaves in the Senate…
And still “You have made a mistake” What the hell could it mean? As your mind fills with frustration, you decide to go off for a drive. You know the road well, well enough that you have navigated it in your dreams even. And since it is somewhat hidden away, you are not at all surprised that a streetlight has failed and stayed in failure for over two weeks. “It’s a mistake on the city’s part” you say as you scoff at the mediocrity of bureaucratic maintenance.
mistake ”.. i mean, how hard is it to change a goddamn light?” Mistake "I bet you could get one of those high-school dropouts off the street, pay him ten bucks and he’d fix it in less time than the city" MISTAKE
You’ve decided that you no longer feel like driving down this road and want to mix it up a bit by driving over into the district via the commuter’s tunnel several miles down the road.
You notice the tunnel in the distance as the air around you is shaken violently by you favorite satellite radio station’s constant music turned up to maximum volume. A slow smile creeps across your face as you come across a plan:
1: Accelerate as close to top speed as possible 2: Drive into the 500 foot tunnel at this speed 3: The lights in the tunnel will be ten feet away from each other 4: If i’m going really freaking fast, i might achieve a Strobe Light Effect 5: AWESOME
You put the pedal to the metal as your car roars down the pavement and into the gaping tunnel. As expected the lights flash over your car, almost making you feel like if your life at this moment is an old film being played off a reel. This is great, but you have even more plans for the night. There’s a club downtown that you haven’t been to i na while and you heard apiece of information that has suddenly made the place very relevant to your interests. You lean over to punch in the address on your dashboard GPS asn set the command to get directions.
Processing… Weak Signal :(
"What, the radio’s working fine but the GPS can’t get a good reception? That’s some bullshit!" The song on the radio finished playing and broadcasts those brief seconds of silence between songs.
You’re annoyed, but you figure that you can just try again outside the tunnel. Still some bullshit because the radio still gets reception. Shame it’s silent now, it was almost like having a club right in your car. After thirty seconds of drowsy radio silence you look over to the dash to see the radio turned off. With an aggravated sigh you push the button to turn it back on.
Seeking No Service
You decide that you’re going to try that again as soon as you’re out of the tunnel as well. You see the bright white lights in the tunnel pass over you and decide that it would be best to slow down in case if there’s a cop watching for speeders at the other end. You relax on the gas as you wait for the passing lights to show you that you’re slowing down.
flick flick flick flick
"The light’s aren’t slowing down, how fast am i going?" You check the speedometer’s digital interface
0 RPM 0.0 MPH
You decide to ease on the brakes. Nothing happens. Your logical mind decides to lower your window to check the outside conditions. You look to your left and see ellipsoid lights passing by, strange since you’d think that sort of thing would distract drivers, especially since they’re arranged in those descending patterns.
Wait… You look again, and just stare. After a while you notice that there is a small black speck streaking by with each light, a small speck that seems to get wider and smaller at regular intervals. Where could that speck have come from? Pavement accident probably. Some clumsy ass “road engineer” went and splattered tar everyone. What a stupid mistake.
All the lights suddenly get wider and the dark specks on them grow to dominate a good majority of the white. And that’s when it happens; one of the lights blinks. Suddenly all the lights start blinking at you as you suddenly realize that you are now being watched more intensely than you ever felt comfortable with.
A great brightness appears at the end of the tunnel and you decide that there are no cops at the other end as you accelerate to 300 miles per hour. As you get closer you notice that the eyes are actually becoming more densely clustered, why? You feel the car vibrate with a deep pendulous buzz as the opening to the tunnel suddenly turns sideways and rises ten feet into the air. A coldness sinks into your drowsy body as you recognize the whiteness hanging in the tunnel’s darkness as an eye.
Fuck this shit! You swerve 180 degrees and speed off the other way. As the engine roars at your command you feel the pendulous buzz thickening in the air around you saturating the very fabric of space.
Suddenly the car jerks off to one side, startled your grip tightens on the wheel keeping it firm, but the car jerks again, this time to the right you look around in vain to find the source of the failure. You look into the rear-view mirror as something breaks the darkness:
A great stone slab covered in markings that only an advanced race of gods could interpret as the song that started the world.You notice something splitting it, like strands of long slender lace seeping out of it have formed a perfect crack right down the middle.
The tablet’s two pieces silently yawn open as billions of elastic arms stream out, their palms decorated with gnashing too thy mouths as they latch onto your vehicle and shake you violently. The glass is the first thing to break, and the hands flood into the leather interior of your car.
You try to scream, but you realize that whatever it is that sent these hands has also demanded perfect silence for this, your final concerto. The vibrations rumble still as the palms slap against the frame of your car and the reinforced German steel bends then crumples like a paper cup as everything fades into darkness; the last thing you see are the hands pulling you into the open maw of the cracked slab your eyes forced open to look at the horrific mad infinity inside. Your mind is ripped apart by the vision of billions and billions of stars dancing and singing around an infinitely grotesque blob of thrashing madness. Ia, Yog-Sothoth! Ia, Azathoth!
I'm quite proud of myself for being able to crank out this Deity-Comparison rant
Horus= Shiny Sky-King of hunting & war, the “Shiny” in there refers to how Horus is revered as a god of Light (and is the only one of his condensed traits that he does not share with Odin), which modern science has found is electromagnetic radiation. If you were to find a modern personification for Horus today, it would probably be that cool new “super laser system that can burn as hot as a star” put into orbit around the earth.
Odin= Hardy-smarty emotional poet of hunting & war. Since Norse deities are no as cut and dry as Egyptian ones, Odin finds himself touching on being smart enough to know things ahead of time and writing poetry. The modern personification of this would be a more poetic and future-spoiling Stephen Hawking; Except Hawking already spoils the future (see Colbert’s “Stephen Hawking is an A-hole” skits). So really, give hawking some mad lyrical skills and youve got Modenr odin. Which really is much better than odins actrual modern counterpart, which evolved over hundreds of years of culture shifts:
Santa Claus= Jolly, Can see everything, Gives you “free” stuff. Also known as “Father Christmas” (the modern term for one of Odin’s titles) he appears for only one month in the year to sell us coca cola and disregard all empathy for our fellow man while we stampede all over him to get the new Tickle-Me iPod 5.3 that has two screens, while the banners above this carnage proclaim Peace on Earth. Which is kind of badass. Look, here is a guy who can convince every American to turn their local brothels of capitalism into a Mosh Pit without playing anything heavier than “Blue Christmas”. And yo uknow what? They do it. And they’re happy to do it. They willingly go into these places knowing that to get what they want they’re probably going to have to get a little maimed. Which reminds me of:
Quetzalcoatl= Death, Writing, Calendars and creator of Corn. "Why does the Feathered-Serpent deity remind you of a seasonal Capitalist Blitz? " you might ask, and the answer is this: the Meso-Americans were known to play a ceremonial ball game in which they tired to get a ball through stone hoops carved jutting-ly on the long sides of a rectangular court. The winning team had their captain step forward to the high priests, who then ritualistically sacrificed him to the Sun God, to ensure good crops, Death and Corn. The Maya have recently become notorious for their insanely accurate cosmological calendar which “ends” (because “Restart” TOTALLY means “End Forever”) on the 2012 winter solstice. Now, how in the hell does Quetzalcoatl have such a ig-ass knowledge of what stars are going to be where? Either he: - is a big cosmic-ass star-snake and just knows or - he can travel through time.
Either way, his lack of an all-seeing eye would mean that he would have to be able to bend time-space to get his knowledge. If he were to be represented as a modern icon today, i think that the most fitting would be either a Ghostly Stephen Hawking in charge of the worlds Corn productions, or a real-life Giratina shacking up in Oxford University’s library and playing farm ville all day.
My body yearns for sleep, but in sleep i find no rest.
My dreams reek of manufactured fantasy, the way cheap candy is saturated with artificial flavors which don’t quite taste the way they say they do.
and i find no pleasure in them.
The morning gives me no respite,
I swap synthetic cotton candy for authentic aluminum and grease
If im lucky.
Most days I just play Office Puppy:
Sit boy; Good boy.
C’mon boy, let’s go to the junkyard! Good boy.
Here boy, we need you to do this repetitive and brainless task over and over, can you do it? can you? That’s a good boy!
In my eyes, loyalty is a sacred thing, and when bound by family ties it becomes almost unbreakable; views that I do not doubt have been made fun of by some of my “friends”. Even so, my loyalty will not stand being called in to work only to be stowed away at a desk.