[TW: rape culture] If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways.
And we should not be surprised when they behave these ways during attempted or completed rapes.
Women who are taught not to speak up too loudly or too forcefully or too adamantly or too demandingly are not going to shout “NO” at the top of their goddamn lungs just because some guy is getting uncomfortably close.
Women who are taught not to keep arguing are not going to keep saying “NO.”
Women who are taught that their needs and desires are not to be trusted, are fickle and wrong and are not to be interpreted by the woman herself, are not going to know how to argue with “but you liked kissing, I just thought…”
Women who are taught that physical confrontations make them look crazy will not start hitting, kicking, and screaming until it’s too late, if they do at all.
Women who are taught that a display of their emotional state will have them labeled hysterical and crazy (which is how their perception of events will be discounted) will not be willing to run from a room disheveled and screaming and crying.
Women who are taught that certain established boundaries are frowned upon as too rigid and unnecessary are going to find themselves in situations that move further faster before they realize that their first impression was right, and they are in a dangerous room with a dangerous person.
Women who are taught that refusing to flirt back results in an immediately hostile environment will continue to unwillingly and unhappily flirt with somebody who is invading their space and giving them creep alerts.
People wonder why women don’t “fight back,” but they don’t wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or being in closer physical proximity and are ignored. They don’t wonder about all those daily social interactions in which women are quieter, ignored, or invisible, because those social interactions seem normal. They seem normal to women, and they seem normal to men, because we were all raised in the same cultural pond, drinking the same Kool-Aid.
And then, all of a sudden, when women are raped, all these natural and invisible social interactions become evidence that the woman wasn’t truly raped. Because she didn’t fight back, or yell loudly, or run, or kick, or punch. She let him into her room when it was obvious what he wanted. She flirted with him, she kissed him. She stopped saying no, after a while.
I told my professor that I had a complete essay on a flashdrive and that the paragraph that i turned in was just the result of me forgetting my flashdrive. Now he says that if I have the complete assignment on the flashdrive, that I should upload that to him instead so that he may grade it and just toss out the paragraph all together.
I have Lied, and then I got coolshit. This is not OK. I am a bad Deontologist.
Well seriously talking, it was years ago, she was 17 and old fashined as it sounds we were always with a chaperon, I guess the reason why she dumped me was because I wanted to do right and she wanted more, when it comes to dating I’m a true gentleman
The Chaperon thing is not the least bit strange to me. However, the part where the 17 yo girl wants you to break the law is. That’s about as strange as a just-turned 18 yo girl being set up by her closest friend to have sex with a friendly middle-aged man.
And that’s why I feel relieved when one ex dumped me, but I do believe that love is love and I won’t be surprise if this becames legal in my lifetime, I believe that as long as you do things right, if you truly love her/him you can wait, right?
Yeah sure. Just keep your love under wraps until the time is right (as is with many forms of love) as revealing it too soon can shock or frighten people in your surroundings.