By light and darkness cast aloft

Personal: I am crazy and an ass

I just am.

I want to get monogamous with this girl, but i don’t know enough about her to do it in sound mind. Then again, she met, got to know, dated, and broke up with her ex within the span of 1.5 years. Ive known her for about six months, and we both agree it feels like more… So what am I? Chopped liver?

Humans change and develop, they should not be considered as a number in a formula, but rather as a formula itself with many changing variables. As such, if a person no longer acts in a way that they used to it is because something in the formula has changed.

She has told me that the breakup with her ex hurt: he stopped talking to her, and she got word of his pain- which caused her pain.

She’s told me that she’s not stable, and she’s told me that she had to break up with her ex because she was moving to Texas, her family may move again once her her uncle’s expansion into Texas is solidified. She doesn’t want to hurt me.

Hypothesis: She doesn’t want to give something a title because that would invite a deeper bond, which would be harder on both of us if her family has to leave again.

She has also told me that she’s not logical, trusted analysts have described her as “fickle”

Hypothesis: She is uncertain, and so does not want to go on something that she is not totally sure about.

The rest is evil suspicions that no normal man should ever consider. Unfortunately for me, I’ve never been considered normal by anyone.
She has told me that there was a guy she liked in New Jersey, that she gave him signs but he didn’t like her. She also told me about her boyfriend in Jersey…
Was or was there not overlap?

If there was: then this would combine the “I don’t want to hurt you” hypothesis with the “fickle” hypothesis. The result is terrible, highly improbable, and I have witnessed but one sign supporting it- and even that one is shady.

Hypothesis: She is wary of engaging in an official relationship because she has discovered that she is fickle, uncertain, and illogical. This can cause breaches of social contract which may result in tons and tons of fallout.

If it is not so, then

Hypothesis: She is afraid of getting hurt.
This is similar to the fear that a nervous guy in high school has where he can’t confess his feelings for a person he be crushing on. However, in this scenario the fear is that of rejection, and attraction is irrelevant for the reproduction of this scenario.

Maybe its not her, its me.
Maybe I’m just an ass with nice traits. Though many people have said this is untrue- that I’m not an ass, I must disregard that I suppose, but still…

Hypothesis: I’m crazy and a huge ass. I shouldn’t be anywhere near the dating scene because I get too mixed up in trying to figure out what to do next. Nerds and rejects don’t deserve love. We deserve darkness, and machines, and our names to be footnotes on the great technological advancements of our species.

Theory 1: For a potential variety of reasons, she doesn’t want to get too involved with me because something might go wrong. But, being uncertain, she doesn’t want to restrict anything either. (But in doing so, doesn’t she just she restrict herself?)

Theory 2: I am a huge dick for even asking. I should just be happy that I got the romantic attention of a person who is that attractive and that kind and that wise, who has in situations covered my weaknesses while I have in situations covered hers.

Isn’t it possible that these two theories can be connected into one?

By light and darkness cast aloft

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Personal: I am crazy and an ass